Doctor? Lawyer? What’s the difference?

So I have been wanting to meet lawyer 2321 for over 2 years. Unfortunately he is in one of only 5 buildings downtown that has really tight security. You would think that after 9/11, especially in downtown NYC  buildings would have high tech security with eye scans, facial recognition and even old fashion patdowns…. Nah, you can walk into almost any building without even showing ID. Scary, but true. A little background before I get to my entertaining conversation with the security guard. I didn’t have an appointment. I was doing a pop in. I was actually dropping off a 5 foot by 5 foot poster board for the attorney. Why? I was attempting to show the attorney in visual form how the internet is successful for other law firms. It was a collage of websites with verdicts and settlements and how there was a correlation between the two. If you spent money on SEO and PPC etc. in return would bring you clients and cases. It was a truly a work of art that took me 3 hours to make. So why did I make a collage vs scheduling an appointment and using my ipad to show the attorney my presentation etc? Simple; the attorney didn’t want to see me. So I had to show him in a quick way, what we can do. My plan was to have the project so big he couldn’t throw it out…so it would sit in his office and he would have to stare at it all day and see how other law firms were successful and getting all of these cases. In return this would drive him crazy until he was ready to call me for a real appointment. A simple brilliant plan. I just needed to get it delivered.

Security “Who are you here to see?”

Me “ Dr. Michael Schwartz… (OK why did I say this? Easy; I have been to this building many times, and I have always noticed that when people say that they are seeing Dr. Michael Schwartz they just let them up without even calling up and checking ID. I didn’t know if it was some secret code, or if Dr. Schwartz really didn’t want his patients being harassed downstairs. So I used the name to hopefully gain entry and then I would just go to meet lawyer 2321 instead, kind of like sneaking into a sold out movie)

Security “ What’s your  name?” ( I did not expect that.. I didn’t like where this was going. Maybe he was suspicious of my 5 by 5 foot poster board I was caring with attorney’s pictures on it.)

Me  “David Wodnicki”

Security, “I don’t see you on the manifest of patients today.”

Me “Well I have an appointment.” ( my nose is getting bigger)

Security, “Let me call up”

Me “ ok”

Security, Calls upstairs. “Hi, I have a David Wozernewski here to see Dr. Schwartz.”

Security Directed to me, “What time was your appointment?”

Me “11:30 am”

Security, Directed to the office, “11:30,.. yes, uh huh. Ok here he is” (he hands me the phone)

Me  To the office secretary, “Yes? Hello? Yeah, I scheduled my appointment with Laura for today to see Dr. Schwartz.”

Office secretary “ We don’t have a Laura that works here.”

Me, “UM.. ok thanks” (dejected, I hand the phone back to the security guard.

I wanted to get out of there. Looks like I wasn’t getting in and I was tired of digging myself a deeper and deeper hole.

I told the security guard I would be right back.

Frustrated, I carried my huge work of art out of there. What was I going to do now? I didn’t even want to meet the lawyer. I just wanted to drop this off and head to my next appointment which was at noon. I thought to myself that I would try again later when there was a different security guard.. so I started walking up the street to my next appointment. Realization set in, I can’t lug this big poster board with me uptown to my next appointment. That would be ridiculous. I have to get rid of it now.
I decided to play it clean. I called the lawyer’s office from my cellphone. Hey this is David Wodnicki, I wanted to drop off something for attorney 2321. “Really? Thanks!”

That was too easy; the secretary said no problem, and that she would put me in the system. HMM.. I should have done that from the beginning.

So I go back to the same security guard that just denied me entry from trying to see Dr. Schwartz.

Without missing a beat.

I say, ”I am here to see Lawyer 2321”

Security, “I thought you were here to see the Dr.”

Me “Doctor, Lawyer, what’s the difference.”

Security, perplexed, looks me up in the system, confused, sees that I am in there and reluctantly gives me the pass to go up.

Me: “Thank you!”

I get in the elevator. I am home free. Glad this is over with. This lady in the elevator starts chatting it up with me. She sees pictures of Lawyer 2321 on my posterboard. She starts asking questions. “Oh, what do you have there, what is this about?”

I just wanted to drop this off and I was being kind of cold with her. I didn’t want to have mindless 30 second elevator banter explaining my posterboard to someone I was never going to see again. I was curt with one word answers. Finally floor 14 arrives.. She gets off, and I follow. She walks right into lawyer 2321’s office and gets behind the secretary desk.

With a stern face, she asks, Can I help you?”

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2 Responses to Doctor? Lawyer? What’s the difference?

  1. John Falcone says:

    You should always make good conversation with people in the elevator, you never know….

  2. David,
    “Doctor? Lawyer? What’s the difference?”
    was also well written and very funny!
    Thank you.

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